Is it a Red Flag? What to Watch for in a New Relationship
A new school year can bring new friendships, new experiences, and sometimes, new dating relationships. Knowing what’s healthy and what isn’t can help you start those relationships with confidence.
Back-to-school season is full of change. Maybe you’re starting high school or college, joining a new group of friends, reconnecting with someone after summer, or beginning a relationship with someone new.
New relationships can be exciting. But when you really like someone, it can also be easy to overlook behaviors that don't feel quite right.
Healthy relationships are built on respect, trust, communication, boundaries, and the freedom to be yourself. Dating abuse, on the other hand, is about power and control and can include emotional, physical, sexual, financial, or technology-facilitated abuse.
As you head into a new school year, here are some things to watch for.
Red Flags That Aren't "Just Because They Care"
Some controlling behaviors can initially look like attention or affection. A new partner might want to know where you are, who you're with, or why you didn't answer a message.
There's a difference between being interested in your life and trying to control it.
Be cautious about a partner who:
Expects constant communication. You shouldn't have to respond immediately to every text, Snap, DM, or call to prove you care.
Demands your passwords or checks your phone. Being in a relationship doesn't mean giving up your privacy.
Tracks your location. Location sharing should always be a choice—not something you're pressured into doing or afraid to turn off.
Gets extremely jealous. A partner shouldn't accuse you of cheating because you spend time with classmates, teammates, coworkers, or friends.
Tries to isolate you. Pay attention if someone makes you feel guilty for spending time with friends or family or pressures you to give up activities you enjoy.
Controls your social media. Telling you who you can follow, what you can post, whose pictures you can like, or who you're allowed to message isn't healthy.
Puts you down. Insults, humiliation, "jokes" at your expense, and making you feel like you're never good enough can be forms of emotional abuse.
Pressures you physically or sexually. You always have the right to set boundaries and say no. Dating someone doesn't automatically equal consent.
Pressures you to send sexual photos or messages. You never owe someone intimate content, even if you're dating them.
Scares or threatens you. Threats, intimidation, explosive anger, destroying things, physical harm, or making you afraid of how they'll react are serious warning signs.
Pay Attention to How the Relationship Changes Your Life
Sometimes the biggest warning sign isn't one particular text or argument. It's noticing that you're starting to change your life to avoid upsetting the other person.
Ask yourself:
Am I nervous about how they'll react if I don't answer right away?
Have I stopped spending as much time with friends or family because of this relationship?
Do I change what I wear, post, or say because I'm afraid they'll get angry?
Do I feel pressured to share my location or prove where I am?
Can I say no without being punished, guilted, threatened, or given the silent treatment?
Do I feel like I'm constantly trying to keep this person happy?
Do I still feel like myself?
One uncomfortable moment doesn't necessarily define an entire relationship. But repeated behaviors that create fear, pressure, isolation, or control deserve attention.
What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like?
It's important to know the green flags, too.
In a healthy relationship, you should be able to:
Spend time with friends and family without being punished for it.
Have interests and activities that don't include your partner.
Keep your passwords private.
Decide whether you want to share your location.
Say no to physical or sexual activity.
Talk openly about what makes you comfortable or uncomfortable.
Disagree without insults, threats, intimidation, or fear.
Support each other's school, work, activities, friendships, and goals.
Put your phone down without worrying about how your partner will react.
Healthy relationships aren't perfect. People disagree and feelings get hurt. The difference is how you handle those moments. Respect doesn't disappear just because you're angry.
A New School Year Can Change Relationship Dynamics
Going back to school can create new pressures. You may suddenly have different schedules, meet new people, attend parties or events, join activities, or spend less time together.
Those changes can reveal unhealthy patterns.
A controlling partner might say, "If you loved me, you'd skip practice and hang out with me." Or, "Why do you need new friends when you have me?" They may expect you to share your location between classes or demand pictures to prove where you are.
Those aren't signs of a stronger relationship. They're signs that it's time to pay attention to your boundaries.
Someone who cares about you should want you to have a full life—not a smaller one.
If a Friend's Relationship Has You Worried
A new school year also means reconnecting with friends. Maybe you notice that a friend seems different since they started dating someone.
They may stop coming around, constantly check their phone, seem anxious about answering messages, or worry about making their partner angry.
You don't have to diagnose their relationship or demand that they break up. Start by being someone they can talk to.
You might say:
"I've noticed you seem stressed when they text you. How are things going?"
Or:
"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, but I'm here if you ever need to talk."
Listen without judgment. Avoid blaming them or making them feel embarrassed for staying in the relationship. Leaving an abusive relationship can be complicated, and supportive friends can make an important difference.
If You're Seeing Red Flags in Your Own Relationship
You don't have to wait for a situation to become "bad enough" before talking to someone.
Reach out to a trusted friend, parent, teacher, counselor, coach, healthcare professional, or another adult you trust. If you're worried about your safety, consider talking with a trained advocate about creating a safety plan.
You can always call us at Options Clinic to help set healthy boundaries and recognize unhealthy patterns.
If you believe your phone or online activity may be monitored, be thoughtful about which device or account you use when looking for help.
And remember, you don't have to give up your privacy, friendships, goals, activities, or boundaries to prove that you care about someone.
Start the School Year Knowing What You Deserve
New relationships can be one of the fun parts of a new school year. Getting to know someone, spending time together, and figuring out what you want in a relationship are all part of the experience.
Knowing the warning signs doesn't mean expecting the worst. It means knowing the difference between affection and control and being confident enough to recognize when a relationship isn't respecting your boundaries.
At Options Clinic, we're here to have conversations about healthy relationships, boundaries, sexual health, and the questions that can come with dating.
You deserve relationships where you feel respected, heard, safe, and free to be yourself.
Need Support?
If you or someone you know is experiencing dating or relationship abuse, reaching out for support can be an important first step.
In the Helena area, The Friendship Center provides advocacy and support for people affected by domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking. Its 24-hour help line is 406-442-6800.
You can also visit loveisrespect.org for information specifically about dating relationships, healthy boundaries, warning signs, and safety planning.
To talk with Options Clinic about healthy relationships, boundaries, or sexual health, call or text 406-422-1011.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
A healthy relationship should give you the freedom to be yourself, speak openly, feel secure, and know that your boundaries matter.